The blessed herbs and the cursed tree
The Blessed Herb and the Cursed Tree
Good news for the emotionally disturbed of both sexes. A herb has been discovered in the Benghazi plain, and it is now sold at Hajji Hassan’s shop. In a television interview watched by no less than three million people, Hajji Hassan stated that the herb was an effective cure for the emotionally disturb.
He said nothing about those who are not emotionally disturbed yet. But, naturally, should they develop such symptoms, the blessed herb is there, an effective balsam and medicine for them … so much then about the blessed herb for the emotionally disturbed! For other diseases and ailments, there is also enough other medicine at Hajji Hassan’s shop besides the blessed herb. There are other herbs: There is one for all kinds of sterility, (as he himself affirmed) infertility, lack of productivity and perhaps even intellectual barrenness. There is also medicine for headaches. If you got a headache or felt dizzy for any reason, even if that was when you were looking for a shirt for your son that cost one dinar at the state-owned markets, but had found it now for twenty dinars at a private shop, which made you hurry back to the state-owned market only to find that it had gone.
So you had to go back to the private shop, but only to find that the price had gone up to twenty-five dinars during your absence for five minutes – Hajji Hassan confirms that he has got a medicine herb for such giddiness, which he had extracted from the grass and numerous plants on the village common … Not only this medicine but also another effective medicine of a particular strain of cactus has been discovered by the same Hajji Hassan growing in profusion in graveyards. People, taking this medicine, gain patience similar to that of the dead, and become immune to any local exploitation and international weakness, which is the secret of its growing in graveyards. There is also at this shop a long list of other herbs, which, as Uncle Hassan has explained, help you to resist diseases and dispense with treatment, which entails the problematic frequenting of private and public clinics and hospitals. If only we had godlike common sense to make a beeline for this shop and queue for hours and days or even months to procure these medicines, we would be well-rewarded … much better than anything else. Why can’t we be patient enough to stand in the queue and wait for our turn to buy this medicament? We have cut down the trees on our farms to change them into built-up areas … We have slaughtered most of our animals and, no doubt, we shall kill the rest on the feast day of sacrifice. Our children go to free-of-charge public schools, and we receive free radio and television programmes, which we can listen to, watch and criticize as we wish.
In order to oblige us, they purchase cartoon programmes to keep the attention of children away from us, no matter if these cartoons are harmful, or western or who has made them and what their subject matter is … what is most important is that we needn’t undergo any hard labour, fatigue, or worry because of our children since everything is being looked after by the state. And he who does not work, does not produce, yet he still consumes. Defence, too, does not seem to be any of our business, which clearly shows that we had lied to ourselves when we proclaimed that defence was the responsibility of every citizen. It is obvious that we are doing our best to shun this sacred duty. We stand for peace and love.
Our motto being, “Peace, mercy and the blessing of God be upon you.” So from us may there be peace, mercy and the blessing of God upon the Israelis, the “Amelicans”, NATO, and the Pact of David, who we expect, should wish us the same, or better. Every day we wait for the Israelis and their allies to say, “May there be peace upon Rabta, Tajura, Ras Lanoof, Jerusalem and Baghdad “.
Anyway, what use are the medicine factories at Rabta and Ras Lanoof for us so long as Hajji Hassan has gathered for us enough herbs, which cure all diseases even those of the brain, the heart and eyesight … and … dysentery or … dignity … one or the other … because reception was poor at the moment when Hajji Hassan was explaining the magical effect of a particular herb … if I heard him right, he said it was an effective cure against dysentery or dignity, perhaps even old age, as I think I heard him say that it also cured senility or self-respect or something like that which seemed to have some connection with senility.
Therefore, we are really lucky .. we have got ourselves free of everything … Poor are the people who, unlike us, have to sacrifice themselves and shed blood in defence of their homes.
They also sweat blood to enhance production and dig up the earth with their finger-nails … in order to plant it with trees and cucumber and garlic .. poor are the Israelis who spend their lives with their forefingers on the trigger in order to keep Palestine occupied … Poor are Noriega and Orthega … Poor are the ” Amelicans ” too, who spend billions on space armament to protect America.
